Sometimes you don't want to be right

This morning I drove into the city to have another blood test to see if I am pregnant - and the result has come back negative. I am disappointed. It would have been great if it had worked this time. But I was very much in a "expect the worst, hope for the best" head-space ever since my period arrived earlier this week. And although we are getting really tired of negative results, we are keen to try again. Hopefully next time things will run more smoothly since we know the process. Tonight we will go out for dinner - as has become our habit on "results days" - and then we'll take it easy this weekend.

One thing I hadn't realised - and which I feel kind of stupid about now - is just how many women have what seems to be a period before a positive pregnancy test, especially if they are being given extra hormones. Apparently it is not unusual. I am glad I didn't know this before!

Still on the treadmill

Day one has rolled around again, so I guess I'm not pregnant. I rang the clinic this morning and the nurse told me that I still need to do a blood test on Friday because "often people report their period has arrived but it can be something else". However I don't think she's right in this case. Yesterday like the first day of a normal period to me - sore and grouchy! But I will trust the experts and do the test as I have been told. I tried very hard not to get my hopes up this time and I think that has helped. I did feel pretty sad when I realised but I want to go on and try again. In the meantime, I will wait to see if Friday's test brings a surprise.

Letter

Dear A and D

I am writing to provide you with a record of the outcome of your frozen embryos held in storage at [clinic].

A visual aid

Perhaps it's not so wise to post a picture, especially since this little dude has only a one in four chance of making it, but who can fail to be amazed at the technology? This is our three-day-old embryo - human life in its very earliest stages - and the scientist at the clinic took its picture and sent it to me via email. Cor.

Up and away

After a very long week of daily blood tests, I have finally ovulated! An appointment has been made for 11.15am tomorrow when the second embryo will be implanted (or "transferred", as the clinic likes to say). This embryo was conceived at the same time as the first one but has been frozen since then. It may not survive the thawing process, so there is less chance that this attempt will be successful. However, we'll give it a shot and see what happens. We will have time to pack the car before we leave for the clinic, so straight afterwards we will be able to head out of town to a lovely bay an hour or two away. I wait all year for my holiday under canvas and I'm especially looking forward to this trip! It'll make the two-week wait until my pregnancy test just that little easier.

On it goes

The clinic has made its daily telephone call and the longed-for surge has not yet been detected, so there will be more blood tests for me over the weekend. Our local doctors surgery will be closed so we will have to drive into the city to have them done there. That's not a problem - we have a bit of shopping to do anyway. We were hoping to go away on our camping holiday next week and it looks like it will have to be put off for a few days. I am longing for a break but no one could predict how the timing of this next attempt would work out. I will be all the more grateful when we do get there though!

Testing, testing ...

This morning I had my fifth blood test. I biked to the doctors surgery again, which is a great thing to do. It's probably four or five kilometres from one side of our little town to the other. I always have to wait 20 minutes or so beyond my scheduled appointment time but that's all right. I'm usually not in any hurry and there's plenty going on.

Miscommunication

This morning I went down to the local doctors surgery and had my second blood test taken, from the left arm this time! Soon after I arrived home I received a phone call from the clinic to let me know the results of yesterday's test. It seems that my hormone levels are increasing slightly, which is good. I need to keep having blood tests until the hormone surge that signals ovulation is detected. We assume that will be sometime this week.

Day one ... again

This morning I rang the clinic to let them know that yesterday was day one of my cycle again. It feels like we've jumped back on the carousel. I have to have a blood test tomomrrow and another one on Monday. Then, depending on the results and how long this cycle is, we'll be back at the clinic sometime in the last week of January to try again with our frozen embryo. I'm still not feeling so positive - the chances are much lower this time because the thawing process is risky - but we'll just have to see. The good news is that for the first time in what feels like forever, perhaps a couple of years, I've not had any menstrual pain this month. A good sign, maybe.